As part of my personal blogging, I wanted to talk about something that’s super close to my heart (actually, it’s really close to my eyes.) I’m going to open up about my insecurities growing up about my nose and how I’ve grown to love it and my other features.
So growing to love it was hard. I used to hear little jokes at school like “car bonnet” and other stuff that made me feel awful. I knew it was a bit of banter and I felt like I should’ve been okay with it, but it really distorted my self image. I started really hating smiling and would make conscious effort to pout. It made me feel like my nose looked smaller and cuter. I also lived and breathed snapchat filters (yeah, it was cringe but that happened.)
I got into makeup in my mid-teens through to university, and decided to just reshape my nose with powders, concealers, highlighters, the works. I would literally wipe the makeup off of my nose and redo it if my bridge looked slanted or I didn’t contour it right. I was so unhappy with the wideness of my nose or how large my nostrils were, I just felt like I couldn’t be accepted or seen as attractive.
Then, I became a Christian. I read what biblical beauty was and thought “what a load of rubbish. Nobody thinks like this.” I shut the bible in frustration so many times. “Do people actually want a quiet and humble spirit?” I thought to myself. I mean, I didn’t have any friends that looked at me through the lens of the bible, so I don’t know what I was expecting, honestly.
I got to university and saw so many beautiful black women. Like seriously, the black girls at Warwick are too gorgeous. I never had that network of black women around me, supporting me and loving themselves. I grew up with the same 3 black women in my school and we all hated ourselves. At Warwick, I just had to observe.
My current housemate, said something that stood out to me:
“If you can love and accept that God made everything the way he did, why not your nose? You have a nose that I would expect to see on a west-African person. It wouldn’t make sense for you to be made with European features and I wouldn’t expect that of you.”
(If you’re reading this, I love you Precious!!)
It really changed the way I see myself. I wouldn’t expect to see pink trees just because pink may be “cuter” to people than green. My beauty doesn’t come from what people think, but from God. And I really like my nose now. I’m kind of getting over my insecurities, but the idea that people could like me for who I am seems much more conceivable.