I’ve been MIA for a few weeks as we all have. A lot of it has mostly been trying to get my degree, my wellbeing, and my relationship with God in check – it’s been hard to adjust to say the least. But the coronavirus hasn’t just been a chance to start taking up new hobbies for me. I think that before the lockdown I was doing a lot of stuff in my day to day life and its only now that all of those day to day tasks have been removed that I realised I was doing too much.
Productive or Just Busy?
I think one thing I can say about myself pre-lockdown was my obsession with being busy. I wanted to be on the run from point A to B and then back to A. I wanted to complain to my housemates about how busy I always was. And yes, I was doing a lot. But what did I have to show for all of that work?
I think this time away from my duties has helped me to re-evaluate what I do because it’s necessary and what I do because it makes me look like a good person. And in spending time reading the bible and praying over the past few weeks, God has really started showing me the distinction between being productive and bearing fruit (having something to show for it) rather than just being busy and fruitless. I think it took a lot for me to face myself and say that I’m a busy bee but I want to be fruitful.
Pepper or Cheyenne?
So with the removal of some duties, I was left with some duties that had been starved of the right amount of time, resources and effort, so I had to rethink my approach to the remaining things. I realised that the blog was something I wanted to reshape for sure. I think Pepper is great and all, but I started to think that it was my voice. But I am not Pepper. Pepper isn’t an alter ego and I can’t use it as one. It’s just a public journal. So these trends, these rants, these updates might scream Pepper, but they don’t scream Cheyenne. What makes me different from the sea of influencers doing the same thing? If I’d been giving it my time and effort, it could be so much more than a standard blog.
Do you know what I really think about? Do you want to truly know what’s on my mind? Well, you might not like it, but I think about Christ. I think about the world around me as a Christian. I think about everything through that lens before I think of it as a POC, or a woman, or a Gen Z kid. I think about sharing the goodness and the love that I’ve experienced over the past 3 years with you guys. That might not be hot stuff, but you’re gonna see more of it from now on. We’re gonna still leap into the hot topics but from a different perspective. Hopefully, you’ll like Cheyenne a whole lot better.