If another man takes the time to message me talking about how ‘sexy’ I am, I will just explode.
This is a continuation of Sexualised If You Do, Sexualised If You Don’t. This is also a rant but it’s a Jesus-led rant.
Whilst I don’t have a lot of followers, I do get a lot of attention from men (a lot of them being “Christian”) who take time to point out how ‘sexy’ I am. At first, I loved it. I grew up in a place where I wasn’t conventionally attractive so male attention and validation was great. However, as time progressed and I opened up to these men, I realised that they saw me as great to ogle at, but not to get to know.
I actually looked up the definition of ‘sexy’ in writing this and was quite shocked that it hadn’t actually occurred to me in passing thought that it was not the type of compliment I wanted:
‘sexually attractive or exciting’ – Oxford Dictionary
Dogs get excited about sticks, but they’ll never take them home from the park.
I don’t want to be exciting. I was once told by someone that I “excite” them. It made me so happy because I thought he meant that I was alluring because of my hobbies, work ethic, passions, faith, only to be heavily sexualised shortly after. Sorry to be so blunt but when he said I was exciting, the statement behind that statement was actually that my body was exciting. He liked the fact that I had a little meat in the right places, and that slaughtered my trust in guys who approach me. I could post on social media in my pyjamas and men would message me about how they were imagining what could be under my baggy t-shirt. I want to be interesting, engaging, difficult but worth the wait.
And then you have the Niceguy™.
I really despise this character. He lurks around in the shadows as a friend or a kind acquaintance only to want something in return. His relationship with you is purely transactional – the moment he doesn’t get what he wants from you he will throw a fit about how he is entitled to your attention and even your body because he’s so ‘nice’. He is manipulative, controlling and quite delusional when considering his logic.
The bottom line is: I (and many other Christians) want romantic and platonic relationships with others to be like our relationships with Jesus. Obviously, nobody can live up to Jesus’ standard as He is perfect and sinless. But using people for sexual satisfaction is quite short of the mark. I want someone to appreciate the fact that I actually am a multifaceted being with good days and bad days. I want someone to look at my work, my passions, my faith and approach me with that (minus the ulterior motives). I implore my Christian readers (not only men as they can be sexualised and objectified by women too) to care about Jesus’ love.
It’s important to understand what Jesus’ love looked like. Here is 1) a passage of Jesus talking about love and 2) a biblical passage explaining further the Godly definition of love:
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:9-13)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
I want to be around people who love like Jesus loves.
Self-sacrificially. Truthfully. Completely.